It's a Sick World, Charlie Brown

Now that Charlie Brown is dealing with important issues, how about some "PEANUTS" specials for the kids today?

* We could learn about V.D. in, "IT BURNS WHEN I PEE, CHARLIE BROWN."

* Chuck and the Little Red-Headed Girl find out about unwanted pregnancy in, "DAMN STRAIGHT IT'S YOUR BABY, CHARLIE BROWN!"

* Is Linus gay? Find out in, "IT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE, CHARLIE BROWN."

* See how the "PEANUTS" gang deals with date rape in, "NO MEANS NO, CHARLIE BROWN!"

* Discover a father's forbidden love in, "IT'S OUR LITTLE SECRET, CHARLIE BROWN."

* Franklin speaks! The "PEANUTS" gang gets a lesson in Ebonics in, "IMO BUSTA CAP INYO ASS, CHARLIE BROWN!"

* What goes on in the mind of a serial killer? Discover the inner workings of Pig Pen's twisted psyche and meet his murderous alter ego, "Mr. Clean" in, "GOD TOLD ME TO DO IT, CHARLIE BROWN."

* Charlie Brown peddles his body for crack money while stealing Social Security checks and boosting automobiles in "GO BLAME SOCIETY, CHARLIE BROWN!"